All Things Kink

What We Expect

First let me start by saying, dominant women, are used to people being intimidated by them. We are savvy, attractive and confident. Each one of those three things tie in together to compliment the other. It’s a perfect mesh, isn’t it? Not really. When people are intimidated by your best attributes, it makes building intimate relationships difficult.

Let me break it down a little more, we are used to people following our command and it becomes a second nature and an expectation. We become dominant for many reasons. With women it typically resides in place of having to be responsible, care give or prove oneself. However, when you live a life like that, it is foreign and actually really nice to be able to let go and have the FREEDOM of not making choices, following someone else’s direction and feel a sense of emotional security.

Start Small

When you enter into a dynamic with a dominant woman, you need to start small. If you jump out of the gate with high protocol and expectations, she will more than likely run for the hills. Even if a woman is not new to kink, she may be new to actually being the REAL submissive partner. This may take time for her to get used to and she will very likely try to resist even if she truly wants it. Be patient and start small.

Getting a sub used to following small directions, is the first step to getting her following larger directions. You can start with small daily protocols, while you build trust in the relationship. Checking in and making sure these protocols are completed shows that you actually care and have the time to dedicate. Small protocols can be anything from a wake-up texts, break time phone calls, journaling, to pictures of underwear. Larger ones can be being naked when you arrive to her house, only having an orgasm with permission, to only using the bathroom with permission. Different people, different dynamics, different protocols. I will tell you, if I enter a new dynamic with a top and they instantly told me when I could cum or pee, I would tell them to kick rocks. There has to be respect, trust and confidence built first. In the process of getting the sub used to following directions you are also slowly taking more and more control. It is a little easier for a typically dominant woman to accept when it is slowly stripped.

Be confident in your role and authority in the subs life. When you initiate an instruction be gentle, confident and MAKE EYE CONTACT. We know when a person is unsure of themselves. Lack of eye contact and confidence solidifies the idea that we are in control and not you. Eye contact also ensures the fact you care and are the one in control. If a person can’t look at me when asking something from me, I will devour them like a Kit-Kat.

Follow through with what you say. If you tell the sub that a certain consequence will happen for an undesirable behavior, follow through with what you say. If you don’t, the sub is now in control. If you don’t follow through, a few things can happen. The sub will feel like you don’t care, or they may lose respect for you as a dom, not as a person, but as a dom. Keep in mind, I said “CAN happen” it doesn’t mean it will.

Give options and initiate. Taking the lead on any activity reminds the sub that you are in control. When I say activity, I am referring to things kinky and not kinky. It could be where you are eating dinner. If the sub protests the activity give two options. This also enforces the fact that you ultimately are still the one making the choice and you are ALLOWING them to choose, yet still showing you care about her wants.

Express yourself clearly with kindness. Express what you like. This always builds the subs confidence. When you are naturally dominant, you know you are the shit, but it hits different when it comes from the person you adore.

Fear Not

Not everything is sunshine and rainbows. Don’t be afraid to express what you don’t like and try to provide a reasonable solution. If you don’t like smoking, express that and suggest a vape. I am just using that as an example. Be kind when expressing your dislikes. Being dominant does not mean be unkind. You may not like something, and you may not have a solution and that’s ok too. Just don’t be a dick.

Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. Thats really the only way to get what you want effectively. Hinting and beating around the bush might work, but I personally want a guarantee. Directly ask for what you want from your sub. You can’t be upset when you don’t get something you never asked for. Subbie people enjoy serving and pleasing their partners. If they don’t get fuzzy feelings from pleasing, then they are in the wrong lifestyle. If you want dinner made for you every Sunday at 4pm, ASK or rather instruct. “On Sundays, at 4pm, you are going to have dinner prepared (naked-hehehe). Are you available on Sundays at 4pm?” Even if you know the answer is yes, the question ensures you are in control or the conversation. It doesn’t really make sense to answer a question with another question, does it?

Be clear about your expectations. You can’t be upset when your sub does something you don’t approve of, if they never knew you didn’t approve to begin with. Don’t be afraid to tell your sub what they can and can’t do. She will get satisfaction from following your guidelines. Dominant women like to know what is expected of them. Why? Because we like to excel in all areas of life. So, of course we want to excel in pleasing our master/mistress. If we know what is expected, we have a comfort in the idea we are living up to the standards laid out for us.

Don’t be afraid to say NO. No is a complete sentence. Dominant women are not used to hearing the word no from their partners or anyone for that matter. Expect a less than submissive response to your first “no”. It may be difficult to say no to your sub, especially if she is naturally dominant and she may challenge you. It may be difficult to say “no” because you want your sub to have everything their kinky heart desires and because you care about them. But don’t let cute puppy dog eyes dominate you. You are in charge. Sometimes it isn’t even about what the sub is requesting. It is just a reminder that you own them and if you say no it stands. No-one wants to be with someone who denies every request, but “no” can often times be a friendly reminder that she is not in charge.

Know your sub

Find out what triggers your subbie’s subheadspace and do that. Even the most dominant and gangster subs have words or service acts that will trigger their mental subservience. It’s your job to figure out what those things are. The mental subservience is your first step toward the physical subservience. Women require a mental stimulation, men do not. This is science, not me being a typical feminist lesbian. Women need emotional and mental stimulation to get them to any level of physical stimulation. I’m not just referring to sex, I am referring to any act that may be require a physical interaction, like impact play, knife play, rope play, etc.

How we learn

As I mentioned before, this may be a little difficult at first, even if the person gave you consent. She will probably attempt to take control back or even try to get you to leave. When a dominant woman gives a submissive part of herself, she is giving a vulnerable part and that can be scary for anyone. You may even feel awkward dominating her when the relationship begins. All of the above things are normal and that’s how we learn to co-exist as a kinky couple. The sub shouldn’t be the only one giving vulnerable parts. It’s ok to not always be the dom. It’s ok to be a person. A dominant woman will most likely see that as admirable and feel more comfortable giving parts of herself. All relationships/dynamics are about give and take. For me personally, my favorite part of my dynamic is being able to be myself around someone who is also just themself.