In this post, I am going to cover the most commonly used lingo in the BDSM community When I was a newbie I often wondered why such a fuss over verbiage. I discovered the reasoning is so that all parties have a matter of fact understanding of what everything means.
BDSM– Over the years this term has grown. Originally it was often defined as bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism. Here in later years, you will also see the “double D’s”, bondage, domination, discipline, submission, sadism and masochism. I am not sure why the change, but I am assuming it is to incorporate a broader scope. Everyone has their own individualized concept of BDSM, and you will find what suits you the more you explore.
Domme/Dom, Master/Mistress – These terms can get very technical. Overall these words describe the dominant partner, and the gender they identify with. The actual definition of the words Mistress (in a BDSM setting) is “woman in control”. The l definition for “Domme” is virtually the same, “Female in control” . Master and Dom are the male equivalent to these words. Many people like to get a little more technical with the terms and you will find your own comfort zone along the way.
Submissive – The partner that is accepting direction, and orders from the dominant partner. Submissive partners may be subjected to pain, humiliation, or many other various things within their comfort zone at the hand of the dominant partner.
Subspace- The “high”, or intense physical feeling of pleasure associated with the experience of being dominated. When a person experiences pain associated with domination, the body produces endorphins and dopamines, and creates a high like experience, some have said it is similar to runner’s high. Everyone’s conception is different.
Subdrop- Endorphins and other hormones such as adrenaline and oxytocin are released during play. Subdrop, is the submissive’s bodily response to the play. Some may experience tiredness/fatigue, depression, or feel like they are hungover. If not properly cared for this can cause a person to spiral into a depression. However, like all aspects of BDSM everyone’s response is different.
Topdrop- Topdrop is a commonly ignored feeling in dominant partners. It is expected a submissive experience the after effects of play, however, frequently, the dominants post play emotional state is less cared for. This feeling can be similar to that of subdrop. It is the feeling characterized by guilt, of dominating the submissive. Some may experience feelings of depression, overwhelming feelings of guilt, and some people even begin to question their inner makeup, Wondering why do they get pleasure out of hurting the one they love. There are times when both partners feel disconnected after play. Once again, this information is subjective and everyone’s emotional, psychological, and physiological experience shall vary. As I described in the first post the psychological and emotional aspects of this lifestyle are the most important makeup.
Munch- A much is more less a social gathering for those involved in the BDSM community. It is a great way to meet other kinksters and learn from their shared experiences. Munches are typically held at local restaurants in a “vanilla” setting.
Vanilla- This can either mean conventional sex, or “normal” setting. It basically embodies the complete opposite of BDSM. Vanilla refers to non-fetish play or settings.
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