True Lifestylers

Many times, when people get involved in BDSM it’s for sex. The idea begins with sex and ends with sex. However, once we dive into the lifestyle, we begin to see that sex is just an added bonus and not what bdsm in centered around. We have a subculture in a culture that we live in, here in the kinky planet. There are many different levels to how deep some kinksters live their lifestyle. Those of you that follow my blog and know me in person, or even deeply on fetlife, know that I only speak from my experience. I am going to give you a little insight to my version of lifestyling.

I am a switch. I have a LOT of Dominant attributes and am a pretty well-versed top. Which means I know how to safely administer different types of sadistic play, as in impact, needles, wax, etc. However, as a Dominant and Top I am flexible to the needs of my partner. Some people don’t have any pain tolerance and are looking for the mental submission. Which is fine with me. I don’t mind receiving service or giving orders. I do enjoy a submissive role or a place I can hand that power over, however, with my personality and appearance it seems to be very difficult for me to find that, even in a scene. I am fortunate enough to have a steady partner thar I switch with, and we are on an intimate level.

I would say I am a mid-level to hard core kinkster. In saying that, I mean, I do not engage in any type of relationship with a person unless there is some form of power exchange, by relationship I mean romantic and sexual. If we are dating, the only way for me to feel complete and satisfied is if there is a power exchange. Which means, either I am the Dominant or I am the sub. Yes, I have a relationship where I switch, however, that is the only room I have for that. So, any other relationship would need to have a decent balance and consistency in control and ownership. I am patient and believe that ANY kink relationship deserves time and slow moves.

I make impact gear and kink toys for a living (and wait tables part time). I have studied high protocol, and I am associated with a local Femdom society, Lair Derriere. Being involved in the local Femdom society reminded me how much I enjoy the Dominant role and all the things associated with it. If you are curious to see what a society of Femdoms looks like and learn more about the awesome house known as “Lair Derriere” follow them on fetlife and check out their website https://www.lairderriere.com

Most activities in my life outside of work (vanilla job) are revolved around kink. I have built a community here in Asheville and the kink scene. NOT around sex. I have honestly had one sexual partner (and a half- you know who you are) over the past year. That is because kink, bdsm, and a scene is not always centered around sex. I have mentioned many times, sex is just a bonus. Many traditional D/s dynamics are platonic. Platonic dynamics do not really work for me personally, however, for many they do. 

When I got sober, I hyper focused on my old job and I was very unhappy. I wasn’t really in the community here and was kind of steering clear of everything except work. Then, I remembered how much I missed everything, the community, the friendship, the love, the trust, the excitement, the scenes, the pain, the pleasure and the ties that bind us. I took a deep breath and jumped back in. No matter what I have done to try to not be a kinkster, I just can’t. It does not work. I am kinky. I am not normal, I am different. i have also accepted that it is 100 percent ok and there are many many many others like me, times ten.

My love language is bdsm. That is the only way I can explain it. This is my lifestyle. This is what feels natural to me and not forced. This is me. I am a lifestyler and time will not change that. I am happy with who I am and in my skin.

I have a lot of friends in the lifestyle that are not as hardcore as me, but they are still lifestylers. They still engage in kinky dynamics and go to events. I also have friends that are more hardcore than me. It is a spectrum and there is no particular place you have to be, it is what YOU decide. The best thing about kink is truly, you are in control of where you take everything. That alone is therapeutic and freeing.

May light and love surround you and yours. I have many events coming up this next month. I will be vending locally at Domination, then followed by Corruption in Knoxville. Corruption is hosted at the event center (follow them on fet) by club vespertine (check them out too). I am super excited. February will also be jam packed. Lair Derriere is hosting a first of its kind Femdom weekend retreat. Check their page out to learn more about it.

@Panmuscian (follow on fetlife) and I will also be hitting the road in Feb to MANY events! I will list them next post. Follow me on instagram and ticktok to see all my cool how to videos on toymaking: mandysimplayments for both. You can also check me out on fetlife mandysimplayment (no s) for toys or mandymayhem55 for just me.

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http://www.kinkythingsbymandy.etsy.com: True Lifestylers