All Things Kink

Welcome on another rainy evening, from the state of North Hell-lina. I know I have not been available for the past few weeks. I’ve been making super cool shit, new kick ass resin toys and dragon tails galore along with trying to get my space back in order. Don’t forget, promo code : wordpress gets you a pretty hefty discount at my etsy store: Kinkythingsbymandy – Etsy

I am also preparing for a super cool “fem-Dom” party this weekend. I may identify as a lesbian, but hey, I’m flexible and will never pass up the opportunity to beat the shit out of a sexy male bottom. In kink sexual preference really matters little for a lot of us….not everyone, but for quite a few of us. Now before I get into tonight’s subject, let me stress this is MY OPINION on this subject, so before you start giving me your brutal 4a.m. critique from your mom’s basement, hear my words, these are MY OPINIONS and nothing more. Do you know what opinions are like? Opinions are like feelings, and feelings line up with assholes, we all have them and some of them stink. I’m so funny….AGREE! TELL ME I’M FUNNY!!! Just kidding, I’m trying to practice for the weekend.

I have written about this subject before. It’s my favorite subject in kink, NOT. As a matter of fact I hate this subject, I fucking despise it from the pits of my being, and I can feel internal fury growing from deep in the pits of my stomach as we proceed. So why am I writing about it? Good fucking question. I am not sure…..Actually, I am sure, there is a lot of stigmas attached to the significance of them and it can be a lot for some people or not enough for other people and I want to truly break down what it means so people can have a clearer understanding of the most important symbol to us kinksters. To me it truly is the most important thing.

Collaring is what the dominant does to give the ultimate kinky symbol of love, ownership and protection to a submissive partner. That is what it means, it means ownership, love and protection. The dominant owns you, they love you and you are safe with them. For this period of time, you are under their care, and they will make sure you are not alone in this world, and you are ok to the best of their ability. It is a symbol of commitment and ownership to and over the sub. It shows the world that that person belongs to the dominant. It shows other dominant people that the submissive is not available for acts of submission. When a submissive partner has done the things required of them from the dominant, been loyal, and a “good sub”, that is what they deserve. If they are worth all the things that come with a Ds, why would they not be worth that? Now granted this is not something you do over night; it is important, and it is serious and should truly be held at a sacred regard. It is the most important thing and special thing a dominant can do for a sub. It doesn’t so much matter where it comes from, price, or the petty stuff, it is simply the fact the dominant is showing people on a tangible level the sub is owned. Some people regard it like a wedding ring. But I am here to provide a different insight.

I was married and in a Ds marriage. My collar had literally not one thing to do with me being a wife. My collar had to do with me being her sub. My wedding ring showed the world she was married to me. So why would I need a collar to be a wife? They would ultimately cancel each other out. She collared me to show the kink community that she owned me and as a symbol of her commitment to me as a sub. I wasn’t going anywhere, and neither was she. She also collared me to show significance to fact she was aware that it is harder to kneel than to stand and so I knew without a doubt she valued my service as a sub and could feel that at all times. The most important part in all of it was so I knew I was safe and loved in her care. The Ds portion of our life had nothing to do with me being her wife or taking care of the kids. They were two separate entities. I cannot sit here and say it is the same as a wedding ring because it is not. It has nothing to do with that. We had a wedding ceremony and a totally separate thing from the Ds stuff. It wasn’t a collaring ceremony, because she is an asshole and I’m lucky I even got a wedding. lol. But that aside, they are two different things because we had two different dynamics in our life.

I know some people will meet a sub and want to collar them instantly. Thats a terrible idea. It may not be the same as wedding ring, but to kinky people like myself, it is a big deal….it is the biggest deal. It is the most important part of what we do in this lifestyle. It is something that should be earned from both partners, not just the sub. It’s the ultimate symbol of love, consent and trust. You can give someone a “consideration” collar in the beginning. That shows the kink community you guys are “considering” each other. Then after that phase, think about moving on to a more permanent option. Have a ceremony of ownership. This shows the sub and community that you value them, they deserved that symbol from you, and they earned it. But don’t do it after a month, give it some genuine time, make sure you guys aren’t going anywhere. I have done this for subs and it was always very special for them and it showed that I appreciated their service and presence in my life. It has always felt very good to give that to deserving people. I can only imagine it feels 10 times better to be on the receiving end. I honestly don’t know. These things didn’t work out for the LONG LONG haul, but they did last a long period of time. They didn’t end poorly either, we grew and moved on to different things, but for those long periods of time, those in question were my property and I treated them as such. I gave them that in exchange for what they gave me, what we gave each other, mutual fulfillment and love. It is the kinky way of showing someone you love them and aren’t leaving them.

There are dynamics that don’t involve sex. They involve love, but not sex. Does that mean those people or subs aren’t worth collaring? No, it doesn’t. Sex has nothing to do with the Ds portion of a dynamic. It can be a part of it, but again, doesn’t have to be contingent on that. So why would those subs be of less value? They wouldn’t. They deserve the same treatment if they are doing the same things. Especially after a long period of time there needs to be something to solidify the fact that the sub has earned that place in your life. Cause if not, there is really no point for them. What would be the point? A goal that will never be achieved? It’s not really fair to them. I’m sure it causes the person to feel like they don’t measure up or are a failure as a sub. Wouldn’t you agree? You are a sub and have been around and claimed and whatever else the dynamic entails, but you aren’t worth the most important special part. Again, these are my opinions. Especially if there is ONLY Ds in the dynamic. That is what you are doing, Ds, so if you are only doing Ds, why wouldn’t you do the Ds thing? I hope I am making sense for everyone. People get so hung up on sex when it comes to kink. YES, I LOVE KINKY SEX, however, Dominant/submissive dynamic can be more than that and it should be more than that. Dynamics that do not involve sex are just as powerful and just as serious and deserve the same respect, not only from the community but from those kinking.

A third thing people get hung up on is the financial price tag that comes with it. For the love of God there doesn’t have to be a financial crisis when collaring a human. For a lot of subbie people, the price line is the last thing they give a damn about. Yes, you can buy a $500 fitted collar, yes that is always an option, and one many people choose, or you can just not. I remember when I was married, all I wanted was a $30 locking collar off etsy lol. That was it. I got it for the wrong reasons, and it ended up in the toilet. LONG STORY
I never wanted anything crazy, because it wasn’t about that, it was about the idea that my wife owned my life, and I wanted it to lock so only she could take it off. It lined up with the idea that only she had my submission. That is the reality of what we do in kink and in Ds, we own each other, now how far you decide to take that is between you and your person. Regardless of the “level” it is still the lingo and perception we use. Point being, you don’t have to break your bank, not everyone thinks like that nor wants that. I would never want that as a sub. I wouldn’t feel ok with it. I would much rather have the feelings that are associated with what collaring is. Right? That’s what it is. Again, my point is, there are 400000 million trillion options online, hell, make the sub to buy it (its not about dollars when you love each other-on any level), or you can make it yourself. It is NOT difficult. You can even get fancy and make it with “precious metal” lol, like my words? or you can make the sub do it, especially if they are creative…. Why not? it doesn’t matter, it’s the thought and the place it comes from. It is you placing it on their neck and making it known. Maybe the rest of the world doesn’t think like that? I do and again these are just my thoughts and opinions on a subject that is constantly brought up. I will think I dodged a bullet then, NOPE, let’s bring this shit up….so now that it is renting space in my head every single day all day and all night, I figured I would write about it for those that have other people’s insight and opinions in their head. Might as well throw my insights in your head too, then you can take a little but from everything and everyone and formulate your own theory. Kink is what YOU make it, not what other people tell you it is.

Use your own judgement…..you do not have to be in a romantic relationship, you don’t even have to be having sex. A collar is ownership, love, safety. Why wouldn’t you want to give that to someone you love? Someone who thinks you walk on water? Especially if they really NEED it and want it from YOU. Needs and wants are two different things and in kink knowing the difference is paramount. Knowing when the submissive NEEDS something to be ok and knowing when they just want something is probably the hardest thing a dominant has to decipher….may love and light surround you and yours 🙂