I told you I would be back! Welcome to part two! If you are reading this, I assume you have read part one. If you have not read part one, be a good girl/boy and do so. If not, you may or may not be a little lost. Today I am going to cover the fun stuff. So, again, please make sure you have a baseline of the responsibilities involved with all of this before you jump right into the fun.
Types of Training
Sexual Submission-Let’s get the sexy stuff out of the way first. In a D role, I always enjoyed the idea that my sub was aroused. It was never about the act of dominating them. It was always about their reaction to the acts of dominance. Plus, knowing a woman’s sexual pleasure and release is in the palm of your hand is powerful and intoxicating.
The sooner your sub has their clothes off, the sooner they are available for use. You may incorporate the nudity with other services to make the transition to sex easier. If you have a strictly sexual dynamic, they need to be accustomed to being naked and comfortable in doing such.
Oral Service– This is the basic behind sexual submission. The positions the sub is in to perform the acts are essentially humbling and for your pleasure and not their own. Of course, they enjoy the act (the should or its not consent) however it is about meeting your need and not theirs. You could make this a morning thing, beginning of session thing, night thing, whatever. To enforce the dominance be sure to put your sexual want first. The wants of the dominant come first and submissive second with everything. With that, don’t forget, the needs of you partner should still come first. Wants and needs are very different. Having the sub on their knees enforces the fact that they are beneath you. If your sub is still learning how to orally, please you, allow them time to explore before shoving their head into your vagina or cock. That can be unsettling for anyone. Don’t be afraid to instruct them on your wants, where to go and how to do it. When they are doing how you like make sure you let them know they are pleasing you. Once they have it figured out, do what you please in the lines of consent, make them gag, make them choke, restrict breathing, etc. For F/f sexual dynamics, making the sub “clean up their mess” is always very sexy for both partners and should be an expectation. My ex-wife would hold my throat to ensure I swallowed. TMI–but I want to give you some ideas. M/f, you can enjoy all the various possibilities, breast, ass, face and then rub it all over their face..lol…yes, I do have some experience with men. hehehe You get the basic ideas, I hope. This isn’t a porn site my naughty friends.
You can incorporate this into the entire day several times a day. If you are eating dinner, watching television, online or even on the phone. This makes the sub feel “used” and sexually objectified. When you choose to go that route, keep it strictly for your pleasure. This will also leave the sub in a state of sexual arousal, making them way more submissive and accommodating to all of your requests. Again, something I have learned from both ends of the kinky spectrum.
Anal Service– Hehehe, my favorite. This is a very intimate, sometimes painful (in the beginning) and pleasurable experience. For women, there is no release in anal, however it also can create a state of hyper arousal and desperate want for vaginal stimulation, again, keeping them in a very submissive state. Some subs need a slow start if they are not experienced. I PERSONALLY think you should just go for it, but SEVERAL other avenues would disagree. I just went for it, and it was fine and wonderful. I am an extremist. However, you may want to start with slow stretching, getting the sub used to it. You can use your fingers or training anal plugs. There are millions of anal training sets available online and in stores. Have lots of lubrication handy. Unlike the vagina, the anus is not producing more fluid the more aroused the woman gets. Again, lots of lubrication and patience. Telling a sub “This is your job or duty to me” is not the route you want to go. That’s freaking scary to hear and it sets them up for the idea they may fail. We don’t want that. We want them eager and ready to please. Give lots of praise for them taking this sexual step for your pleasure.
Anal plugs can be used without the idea or inclusion of intercourse whatsoever. It is a present reminder of dominance, and it gives a physical feeling of submission that will then be associated with the mental. It speaks “you are feeling this and doing this because you are expected to without a return or argument. You are property that will do things because I deem them worth doing. I enjoy watching you suffer (in a good way).” That can be very mentally arousing and very mentally stimulating. You can enforce that for service acts, domestic duties, impact play and just because you feel like it and enjoy watching them squirm (in the best ways). It doesn’t have to incorporate a direct tone of intercourse or expectation. If you have discussed boundaries, your sub will already know this and be very eager to do it.
Orgasm control and denial- As the Master/Mistress you control her ability to orgasm. Before you begin this training, inform her that she has to ask permission before she orgasms and wait for you to give it. If she breaks the command, punish her. This is teaching herself control that will play into all facets of her life. Some if not all people need to learn control of self. You may be doing a greater service to your sub than you even realize. What better and more fun way to learn. The idea of that is super sexy and any real sub will eat that up like ice cream. Each time have her hold out a little longer. Take her to the brink and pull back. Make her so desperate for the release that in that moment she would do almost anything. She will start to associate your control of her body with pleasure. This is very true and is science based. That is what orgasm control is, controlling her release. You are the keeper of her sexual satisfaction, and you can take it at any time. It is about pushing her to the promised land and stopping and then going. It makes for a much more intense orgasm. Orgasm denial is way different. This is enforcing the idea her pleasure is your pleasure. You can push her to the brink and stop and end the session. I would suggest using control and save the denial for the end of training. By then she is prepared and used to using self-control. Also, you will leave her in a hyper aroused state that will bend her more to your will. Make sure to give lots of praises for this as well. Orgasm denial can create a drop similar to that of impact play. Be mindful of this and aware. This is all in good fun not real-life torture.
Chastity– I am not talking about medieval belts. I am referring to the fact that during training that involves things of a sexual nature the sub should not be able to touch themselves. If they are doing that they won’t be as on edge to please and satisfy and it is really taking from their own experience. They may not know this, but it really is. You want them as “in need” as possible so they are depending on you for their pleasure. This is another one of those things that needs to be corrected and punished. You are putting all this effort into creating this sexually intense experience and masturbating ruins it. Plus, a sub needs to understand and accept that they are no longer their own free agent. Thier body belongs to you, and you determine when it receives pleasure. Again, this is applicable to sexual dynamics. There should be days that she is strictly pleasing you and receiving none of her own. Also, frequently reminding them that trust is very important to you will make it very difficult for the sub to hide things from you. If she did slip up (we are only human) make sure you let her know how much you appreciate her honesty, but you still have to do what is necessary to correct the behavior. She will feel much better about disclosing things if she knows you value and appreciate her honesty. She will also probably feel a great sense of relief knowing she is paying for the misdeed. Every sub I know feels overwhelmed with guilt when they have done something they aren’t supposed to do. They need an association with the act to feel better (that’s a whole different topic for another time). Don’t punk out though, do your duty to her as her person.
Domestic Servitude and Submission– Whether or not you live with a sub or are sexual with the sub, this is something that can be explored in all dynamics. There is nothing better than having a sub that will take care of you and your domestic responsibilities on command. If they are at your service, utilize them. It can also be a great learning experience for the sub. She may not know how to do a lot of domestic duties because she has never had to. This is another opportunity for her to grow in your care. On these days you can have her wash your clothes, clean up, wash your car or do anything you desire around the home. You can freely enjoy her and her time or you can enforce that she will not speak or make any requests other than to use the bathroom or drink. If she talks a lot and you just simply need things done and aren’t really in the mood for all of the extra, still use her, just enforce that. It is her duty and debt to willingly comply. It also sets a mindset of service and property.
You can set out a specific day for her to prepare you dinner making sure that she is making something you like or specifically request something. It is not outside of your rights as the top to make such requests. Simply saying “On Monday at 6pm you are going to have dinner ready for me” or On Wednesday at noon, you will bring me lunch to the office.” Of course, keeping in mind that it fits around her vanilla life. She should be more than happy to be of service. These things allow her to feel like she is giving something back for your care and doing something that is pleasing to you. It is not an extreme command to make her prepare a meal for a party or clean up after. The extent of the service depends on the type of environment you are in. More than likely vanilla folks will be jealous because you have such a gracious partner, little do they know it is the partners duty.
The sub should be partially or fully responsible for the play space as well. You can have her unpack toys, lay them on the table, clean them and properly put them away, carry your things, or give massages after or before play, the whole nine, without stepping into a box of intercourse. They will be happy to please in anyway. At least I know I am. I enjoy that part when I am at events with my wonderful person. I like to show that she is very special and that she has earned my service, commitment and trust for her care. Because trust and service are earned. Most subs enjoy the public displays even if they are of the subservient nature. That is why we have taken on a submissive role for certain partners.
Public practice. Now this can be tricky, especially since we live in a vanilla world. However, it actually opens the doors for more public yet un-noticed acts of submission. Prepare her for the fact you will be ordering her food and drinks. Another situation where vanilla people will be jealous iof such “romance”. Little do they know it is about controlling what your sub is allowed to have in that moment with you and enforcing your right as the Dom. You can decide to deny requests for certain things. Secretly she will probably enjoy it. Plus, she needs to get used to the idea that when she is in your presence what you say and decide is what stands. There may be times when she is not in your presence but needs to share a life situation and be prepared for an answer, she may not want but needs to accept. If you are giving all of this, she needs to be ok and give minimal resistance when you say no. it’s not fair to give the gift of power and attempt to take it back when it is not convenient. She should address all people as sir and ma’am. This is probably the most helpful thing I learned many years ago as a sub. People respect you when you give respect. It changed so many things in my career and vanilla life. You can take these things outside the box of training and implement them as protocols for your time together. However, this is the time frame to get the sub used to such things.
Humiliation and Objectification– These are my absolute favorites. The things I am about to cover puts the sub in the place they need to be in accept the reality of their role in your life. Again, like everything else, mentally prepare them for all of this. You don’t have to give it away, just let them know what is going to happen. A lot of these things you may want to incorporate into your kinky routine and life with your sub. Things of this nature are very helpful to the process of accepting the role as submissive. It isn’t always easy to accept the idea that you are not in control of the relationship, or that you have a specific role. So, this stuff solidifies it and makes it easier to accept for the long haul, plus it’s fun. Well, it should be fun for both parties.
Humilliation-The concept of humiliation isnt to be cruel, it is simply to strip a sense of bullshit ego and pride (in the wrong things). It is an act of humbling someone. The sub may not even realize they behave in a way that is egotistically or demanding or “bratty”. Which is fine, they will after you explain this process and why you are doing it. As I mentioned before you may choose to incorporate some of these things into your new norm.
If she does something that is against your protocol or rules, she needs to admit it and apologize not dance around the idea. You can take this to any level you want. You can write things on her body or make her do it and send pictures. If you are punishing your sub you can make them post it on fetlife, explain what they did, and why they were punished. That is SUPER humbling and fun for both. Again, a reminder that they are not in control and have to follow command. If you required them to write lines or an essay you can make them take a picture of it and post it. You can openly tell your kinky friends and make her also explain it. It’s kind of fun to watch. So kinky people will get a great enjoyment out of it. I know I always like spectating such things. I’m the jerk that asks a bunch of questions just to watch the sub squirm. Their Dom usually gets quite a kick out of it. Speaking of kinky people, you can require her to do more humbling service acts at public play events or around other kinksters, like request permission to use the bathroom. In those settings its ok if other people hear and its exciting, sexy and keeps a sub mindset. It publicizes the submission to the appropriate audience and keeps the submissive in a mindset of “I don’t have control”. The submissive needs to always thank even for basic things. My person (Bex7) has me take her shoes off before we scene and put them on after. That is also an act of humility that I LOVE. Acts like that remind the sub they are lucky to be at your feet. These things may seem unpleasurable to random folks, but kinky ones get it.
Bathroom use control is another one of those more “humiliating” things. Even if the sub enjoys it very much, I believe it would still fall under that category. You can do this when the sub is in your presence or you can even pick a certain day a week and do it on the phone via text (that can count as a whole training day) or if you are really extreme, you can do it all day every day. I think that’s a much better fit for partners that live together. However, it is doable via text if you do not live together. That is a boundary you and your person can explore. You are taking control of basic body functions. Asserting they are only allowed what you give. They should always thank you for your kindness. Controlling someone’s bladder is very mentally stimulating for some subs and does all sorts of things to trigger feelings of being less than (in a good way) and owned. The relief of the discomfort is their reward, nothing more (maybe a ‘good girl’) Entertainment in their moderate discomfort is also fun for you and humbling for them. Please make sure you have researched this subject before you dive in. There is a lot to know before taking control of another human’s bladder. You can incorporate these things in your one-on-one time as well, making them routine. Plus the training period of your dynamic is when they really learn what is expected of them, and they can accept their place as a sub.
Objectification- This is making the sub see they are an object for your use. This may sound harsh, but it is better for them to learn this early and fit into your desires, whether they are sexual or not. This doesn’t mean you don’t care or love them; it just means exactly what it means. We have favorite pets we deeply love and often times put their care over our wants. We have things we own that are very special to us and we would be heartbroken if something happened to them. Same concept. The idea is to spend some time objectifying the sub so they can get their mind off “self” and on their role in your life. During this time, you will want to treat your sub as an object in your house or theirs, depending on where you are playing. You may make her sit on the floor while you watch t.v. and remain silent. She should only refer to herself as “the sub” or “the slave”. If she slips, correct it immediately. This may take a few times to get used to so, allow a FEW chances before you decide to punish her. If she needs to get something from the car- “The sub needs to step outside”. If you say yes, she should be prepared to respond with “the sub thanks you”. You may command that she performs domestic duties in silence and upon completion leave. You may command she may only speak for basic needs (as I mentioned earlier). This can play into domestic servitude. You may command she does all of this with her clothes on, minimal clothing, or none. It’s up to you. You may command she sits at your feet or use her as a table. Whatever you want to do. Do whatever you think will ethically strip the sense of self and ego and trigger service and use. This is not an everyday all day long term thing. It should be used in short increments during the training process. After, you can always you it as a punishment or for service. Make sure she knows this is to make her stronger in her trust for you and focus more on serving and pleasing you and how much you appreciate her compliance. Again, this may sound harsh, but if it is done ethically, with dignity and respect it can be a valuable tool in training the sub who may not be so submissive.
As I mentioned early in sexual training, this can be incorporated into that. She can be used as a sexual object for your pleasure. In both avenues you want the focus to be on you and your needs (however, being mindful of her response) so she can learn and accept the idea behind submission. I can admit this is not always easy to do to someone you care about, but in my experience as a Dominant partner, I have always been very pleased with the end result. Things seemed to go a lot smoother and fluid after this wall was broke down. Essentially, I broke the woman into submission, ethically and with dignity. I personally never incorporate sexuality with this type of training. I may have them wear an anal plug, but intercourse is the furthest thing on my mind during this. I am looking for their ability and willingness to do something that is not harmful but may be slightly unpleasant for my pleasure. At any time, she can decide this is not for her and roleplay may be more what she is looking for. You have a right to your boundaries as well as her. You may not want to proceed if she isn’t willing to try this method. I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. However, I have grown up in this lifestyle, so it’s not even a thought to be treated like an object if I am a sub. However, not everyone is used to this lifestyle, and it may very well prove to be difficult or undesirable.
Manners– The sub should be respectful to you at all times. You are giving them care; they need to give respect. Attitudes and objection to discipline, correction, commands and guidelines should not be accepted and corrected. It is ok to give chances, but eventually you need to put your foot down. By the end of training, they shouldn’t need chances. Day to day life may prove different and she may need a few chances. Don’t let her walk all over you. A submissive may do things to test you or just may be curious to see what will happen. Eventually you will need to show her. Thats why it’s best to get this type of stuff out of the way early, so there won’t be as great of a need later on. She needs to get into the habit of accepting what an outcome is and saying thank you. Thank you needs to be said for everything. If they don’t say it, remind them. They may just need some assistance getting used to it. Punishments and correction should be thanked, service, time, scenes and all the good stuff should also be thanked. If the sub is unhappy with a decision you made, they again, still need to thank you and be grateful for your choice. It is ok to remind them of that.
Be confident in your role as a Dom. Obviously they have confidence in you, or they wouldn’t want you. Take pride in yourself as you have that much control and influence to bend a human to your command. If you feel nervous or uneasy, take a deep breath, look the sub in the eye and go for it. They will more than likely be grateful you did or be a brat and then they need an ass whooping. There will be times you may not always be right, but that’s part of learning your role and part as a top. Submissive people tend to be very forgiving, and most will be very appreciative of your efforts. They also understand you are human trying to learn your way as well. If they don’t then they may not be a good fit for this lifestyle.
Dealing with resistance- The above things are really a way to cope with the resistance your sub will more than likely give. It is very normal for a sub to resist the idea and things associated with Ds. That just means they need it more. They may be struggling internally with the concept that they actually enjoy all of this. They may be testing your dominance, or they may not have any conscious reason. This is just something even well-trained subs do when they enter into a new dynamic. They may be used to their old Dom’s rules and guidelines and breaking that way of thinking may be challenging for them. Be patient and discuss things with them. Be vocal about how they will behave while in your care. Also be vocal that if they do not, consequences will happen to help make them of better use to you and a better human being. It’s within your right as a Dom. They have willingly given you all of this, so it’s not wrong to use what they gave you.
Listening to the sub allows you to see where their resistance lies. Is it in just being a brat and wanting attention, is it in confidence in the dynamic, is it in trust? Listen and find the answers and move in a direction appropriate to the resistance. Also make sure the sub listens to you and express your concerns and needs.
During training days, the sub should not argue or object during the session unless it is a hard limit. They do have a right and a need to express themselves and let out their feelings and emotions at the appropriate time. Another way to teach emotional self-control. The best way to handle this, is at the end of each training day allow time for them to express everything they need. The objections, frustrations, and highlights should be designated to that time and that time alone. You and the sub can discuss everything that needs to be discussed and if changes need to be made, make them. Do not allow them to brat you into making a change in program. Subs need consistency. All people need structure, discipline and consistency. Submissive people are just willing to admit it and seek it. They are trusting you to give it, seeing as you are willing to accept them as that.
The END– Now that everything is at its end, take what you think may be beneficial to daily life and implement that as part of your regular protocols and routine. The sub will now have a baseline on how they are expected to behave when you are around as well as when you are not. This makes the sub feel more relaxed, secure and confident they are doing what they are supposed to be doing and they have a genuine purpose as a sub and in your life. If there is no purpose there is no need, if there is no need, then why continue.
After successfully completing this process, it is only appropriate to do something special for your sub. Show them they have done well, and you are proud to have them. You can reward them in so many different ways. Giving them an official place to belong is always what I do with mine. it’s nice to feel you are safe and belong somewhere in this world. Some people get that satisfaction beneath someone else. Thats how they interpret love and I always feel very lucky when someone honors me with that duty of standing above them, caring for them and protecting, whatever that may look like for them. I look at is a gift I am given, and I respect it.
You can collar the sub if you haven’t already, you can take them somewhere special, you can make something nice for them, there really are no parameters around the reward just the fact that it exists, and you are proud they completed what you asked and happy to have them around for the next chapter. This day should be an exciting, fun, beautiful opening to the new chapter in your journey together. It should never be daunting or annoying. That sucks all the fun and excitement out of what this is supposed to embody. This is a deep connection around trust and mutual care. Care and love, whatever it may look like should never be a hassle or a project. It should be wanted and needed
Most of this is based off my own personal experiences in kink over the past 20 years. I have been on both ends and explored several different things in search of what works for me. When you explore you gain sight and knowledge and different views. I hope this has proven to be helpful and you can use these things to build your dynamic into everything you and your person deserve. These things aren’t meant to be easy. They take trial and error, hurt, joy, tears and laughter. Be patient, open and allow good to enter your life. The worst thing that can happen is it doesn’t work out and the best thing that can happen is it does. May love and light surround you and yours.
3 responses to “Part 2- Developing a Training Plan for Your sub”
You just go for it when it comes to anal. Then you could very well be someone who has caused some females to not explore anal anymore. I’m not sure when you wrote this but women can and do orgasm from anal.
Pain should never be a thing when doing anal.