I don’t even know where to begin with this one. I was thinking about writing a post about cuck queening and lesbian cucking, but I have chosen to pass on that for this moment. However, the thought of that did bring me to something else: What lack of understanding and lack of clear concise communication can result in.
The situation I am about to describe happened over a decade ago. This story is actually rather embarrassing, sad and humorous all in the same. But if I can help someone avoid a huge mistake, why not share it? No shame in my game.
I was with a woman who was not into kink. Which was not easy for me, because that has been my flavor since I began my explorations of sex and love as a teenager. Let’s refer to this girl as J. One day J, told me she wanted to try “cucking”. The request threw me off because she shot down every kinky thing, I ever attempted to throw her way. To make the situation a little more awkward she wanted me to “cuck” her to a man. I wanted to make her happy, so I agreed, without thought or questions.
We went online to an old school hook up site and she picked out a young, very attractive man. I am not really into men, but I can be flexible in some naughty situations. I felt nothing but anxiety leading up to the day this was supposed to take place. J was a more dominant female and always asserted that in our relationship and especially sexually, just not kinky. That made the situation seem even more strange to me. However, my 25-year-old brain did not choose to acknowledge the humungous red flag.
This is where shit gets crazy. We got a hotel room for this event and instead of watching or being present, J chose to hide in the bathroom. I didn’t ask any questions because all I could think about was the fact, I was about to have sex with a stranger. The guy got there, and we jumped right in. I was very uncomfortable and didn’t really know which way to go. I just knew I wanted to please her. I started saying things along the lines “I am a lesbian, but you satisfy me better than my girlfriend ever could” ” I wish my girlfriend could do ….” and so forth. Did I mean those things? Absolutely not. I was saying those things, because I thought that is what she wanted to hear. That is my idea of “cucking” a female to a male partner.
About 10 minutes in, J storms out of the bathroom, screaming, freaking out and beating the shit out of this poor dude. This kid is probably traumatized for the rest of his life because of us. We totally violated his rights of consent. He quickly grabbed his belongings and took off. I am positive he called us crazy bitches about 27 times. Next thing I know, she is screaming at me. I had no idea why; I thought I was delivering her fantasy.
What she REALLY wanted was to see and hear me have sex with a man, simple as that. Nothing close to being “cucked”. The thought of me having intercourse with a man aroused her. She liked the sexual objectification, she enjoyed the “ownership” of my body, control and having a desirable mate. If that isn’t kinky, then what is? Anyways…
Even the reality of the latter would have probably been too much for her to handle. The end result was us getting trespassed from a hotel and almost arrested because of a half-naked boy running out of our hotel room calling us crazy bitches. I can’t say I disagree with him.
Red Flags of The Situation
- Zero communication-She was not into kink -yet had a kinky request. Right then, I should have asked her if she really knew what she was asking of me. The communication was not vague, it was nonexistent. That is a huge mistake in any type of situation. Everyone needs to be on the same page.
- I agreed for the wrong reasons– In my heart I did not want to do it. I did not feel secure enough in our relationship. I agreed, only to attempt to please her, my own feelings aside. Things need to be mutual. You may not always get the same level of pleasure as your partner and that is ok but, make sure you are comfortable and secure with the situation. If you feel weird about something, listen to that feeling. Discuss the situation more in depth and don’t engage until you are ready
- Know your partner- Knowing the type of person she was, I should have known that she would not want to hear me gushing over a man, even though there was no sincerity. I should have spoken up when I noticed that red flag.
- Violation of consent- This is really the biggest mistake we made. Our bullshit aside, we involved someone else without permission. There was zero respect for the third person. We did not ask him or talk to him about any of it. He had no idea there was a crazy woman hiding in the bathroom, he had no idea someone else was present, listening and watching him be intimate with another human. Wrong on so many levels.
That situation obviously had a damaging effect on the short-lived relationship. She was constantly thinking I really wanted a man, which resulted in a lack of sexual and emotional intimacy. That made me no longer trust her. It was already strained because of lack of communication. Add the loss of trust. There is no relationship without the two. This entire situation SHOULD have never progressed without an in-depth discussion about what it was she actually wanted and what we were both ok with. This entire situation, down to the verbiage I used should have been discussed prior to the “event” and everyone involved should have given clear consent.
I know this post is a bit wordy and not really my norm. I just wanted to give a clear example of the crazy shit that can happen when people don’t follow the foundation of BDSM play.
When I get find a woman attractive or appealing, especially on a kinky level, I get nervous. I stand there with a big goofy smile and stars in my eyes. This is something I have tried to change, but that is just my nature around women I find attractive and Dominant. However, even then I still discuss what my hard limits, soft limits and likes are. If I am too flustered, I do it via text. There is a healthy way around everything.
Being nervous around someone new and lack of trust are two different things. If you feel you can’t discuss things with your partner in a healthy way, then it is PROBABLY not an appropriate situation for you, especially if you are involving power play.