Many Tops, both men and women alike love providing aftercare to their submissive but have a very difficult time accepting care for themselves.
First and foremost, caring for a needy sub can be frustrating, overwhelming and at times thankless. The long-term experience is rewarding but getting there can be strenuous. Do you ever feel disconnected from your Top after sex, funishment or punishment? It could be sub drop or the aftereffects of your Top emotionally diminishing. Granted, this doesn’t normally last long, however, it isn’t a pleasant experience for either partner. Often times the Dominant partner experiences feelings of guilt or insecurity for enjoying inflicting pain or discomfort on their partner. They may even feel insecurities in the relationship as a whole. There are many ways to provide aftercare for your partner, that are not sexual. With females, the non-sexual emotional aftercare will go much further. Women are emotional beings and need emotional stimulation.
Aftercare Ideas for Your Top
Verbal affirmations– Let your partner know that you enjoyed their play. Be vocal about expressing how much you enjoyed your interaction with them. This will make them feel better about enjoying administering anything that may appear as unpleasurable or uncomfortable. It will help their confidence as a Top and you may see an increasing in geting more of what you crave.
Physical NONSEXUAL affection– Kisses and cuddles make humans feel secure. This is a scientifically proven fact. Humans need touch, and they need loving touch from the proper people. Play with your Mistresses hair, rub her back, hold her, or just lay with her. Those types of non-sexual interactions will create feelings of security and comfort.
Be Thoughtful and Creative – I understand the ever-fluctuating economy we live in, however, that doesn’t impact being creative and thoughtful. There are many “gifts” you can give without breaking your bank. Cooking dinner, cleaning the house (if it isn’t already in your contract), making a bubble bath for your Top, buying a thoughtful non expensive gift are all great ways to show that you care and appreciate how much your person does for you on a daily basis.
Now the SEX – After any type of scene involving your partner “Topping” you, giving them oral sex can be helpful in showing how much you appreciate them. Oral sex is an intimate act and with women, it’s the quickest way to an orgasm. This is pretty customary, but I figure I should include it.
Sometimes They Need a little Space – Sometimes your partner might need space to process the experience or decompress. I am hoping it is safe to say you will be able to get the hint. Don’t take it personally. I know that’s easier said than done. Remember, even though you look at your partner like they are a Goddess, they are really just human. We can be needy, and it can be a lot to emotionally handle, especially for inexperienced Tops. Let them know you care for them and will be available for their use whenever they are ready. Don’t annoy them and drive them crazy with your subbie wants and needs. Let them breathe. Allow them time to decompress and relax.
-Aftercare is a two-way street-
Not providing aftercare is just as bad as not receiving consent. Submissives are not the only role that needs to be cared for after a scene. Being the Dominant in the relationship is a lot. Doms must be patient, creative, available, and present to properly care for a submissive. They put a lot of work into keeping the relationship exciting and safe. Most Dominant partners will not verbally express their need for care. Don’t make them ask for the attention and love they need. Be prepared to show them the affection they deserve. I always say everything in BDSM is a two-way street. This doesn’t stop after the scene.
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